Lessons learned on building a house (from watching a British TV show about home building)

Larry and I enjoy a British TV show called "Great Designs," which follows home builders along their journey. In about 90% of the episodes, they run way way way over budget. The show has made me completely paranoid about losing my shirt building a dream home.

I've learned a good bit from these sad stories, and here's what I'm taking away as we think about someday creating a Hudson Valley home for ourselves:

Build only what you need. I didn't assume (and still don't) that there is a linear relationship between square footage and cost, but you can save a lot of money by not taking on too big of a project. Larry and I now talk about building a minimum viable home. That way we can build a home earlier (when we're younger) and still enjoy it, even if it means we can't host Christmas and tons of friends ever summer. We can add all that later.

Use standard designs and materials whenever possible. People seem to get themselves into trouble when they try to do very nonstandard things.

Choose your plot wisely. Sometimes a remote location can add a lot of cost (transportation, etc).

Anticipate budget overruns. Some would say "plan for 10% more than you expect." However, after seeing the financial strains people put themselves through, I think you should look at your maximum budget and back off 20%. Then you'll actually be ready for overruns.

If possible, commit your contractor to particular prices (or a range) and pass overruns onto them.

On a separate note, prepare your marriage for the strain that building a home can put on it.

Thoughts on Wendy Kann's memoir "Casting with a Fragile Thread"

Kann's book is an interesting personal story. I couldn't put down the first 100 pages or so.

I mainly picked the book up because I love Alexandra Fuller's books so much, and I thought this would be similar. Kann does not provide all the context Fuller does, and her Salisbury (Harare) suburban upbringing is different from Fuller's rural experience. And it doesn't really have a clear moral perspective on the experience of Rhodesians / Zimbabweans before, during, or after the civil war. Although she takes a light touch to reflect on these issues, she constantly talks about how lonely white people are in rural Zambia, when they are certainly surrounded by the black community. Of course, they may actually feel lonely, but there is no reflection on why this is right, wrong, absurd, etc.

She does touch on the complexity of the experience of white Africans. In one story, her sister has "squatters" on her farm, who claim that the land is their cultural heritage. For local political reasons, they are ultimately kicked off the land in a brutal and sad manner ("Barefoot mothers scooped up wailing children; police ignited huts and corn; the little village burst into flame."). Kann notes that:

"Lauren and Richard had their land back. A strange combination of fear and guilt remained lodged in their throats, but those are not unusual emotions in Africa, and after a week or two the feelings started to dissipate."

Of course, if Kann didn't have to share this sad and complex story with her readers, so I appreciate that she treated this delicate issue in her writing.

The story is compelling because it's seems unusual to most Westerners, but otherwise it's a personal story of family struggles and hardships (and yet, relative privilege).

Chaos is a ladder

A leader recently posted in their "three post summary" (meant to be a pithy summary of oneself or one's job). It read "chaos is a ladder." I didn't recognize the reference, and knowing how well educated this person is I expected it to be a Virgil or Homer quote. It is from "Game of Thrones."

The full quote is thought provoking and I think in many cases true. Here it is:

"Chaos isn't a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail, and never get to try again — the fall breaks them. And some are given a chance to climb, but they refuse. They cling to the realm, or the gods, or love ... illusions. Only the ladder is real, the climb is all there is."

I think it resonates when you think about companies thriving in markets that reward disruption, and I wonder if it is true in other arenas as well.

Aspirations in national security

Even though I'm in my 30s now, and well into a business career, I still have a strong desire to be a leader in national security. It's not clear to me what the path might be for someone with my experience set, to be prepared and selected for a role like director of the National Security Council or Secretary of State.

I have an internal debate about whether I should begin to move my career in a direction that touches directly on national security issues in the next several years. Another option would be to vigorously pursue business leadership, simply to put myself in a place where I can have the influence to gain such a position. Of course in either case I would need to be prepared to be a leader in national security, but my experience set and the strengths I would bring to a position would be different.

In any case, work there is work I can do in the meantime is to study specific national security issues in more depth. I can also begin conversations with people of influence and experience in this realm, firstly to learn, and secondly to build relationships.

Thoughts no one asked for on the royal wedding and Meghan Markle

5/19/2018

Meghan Markle married Prince Harry today, and here are a few thoughts no one asked for:

The ceremony was lovely, and the diversity of the guest list was noticeable. A choir sang "This Little Light of Mine" and a black bishop quoted Dr. Martin Luther King, and the news anchors struggled to highlight this without explicitly talking about race.

I've been reading a lot about Jackie Onassis lately, and admire Meghan Markle in a way simliar to how they looked to Jackie. Today though, we often acknowledge the private struggles of these icons. People simultaneously admire the beauty and poise of Meghan, while thinking about how much she struggles to balance her family, her identity, and her new role. I'm not certain people were that reflective about what was on Jackie's mind. This may result from a change in society, that now respects women and considers their perspective in a different way. It may also be the result of a more specific change, driven by Princess Diana. She forced society to consider the reality behind the curtain. Especially after her divorce, and in the years since her death, society has grappled with the difficulties she faced. Today, the public often imagines these internal struggles while also admiring the outward glamour. It's interesting that our culture of idolizing semi-political, beautiful women remains constant given this added complexity.

Love and dependency

Sometimes when I miss Larry keenly when he's traveling, it reminds me that I'm dependent on him in many ways. This dependency is not the same as love, and but noticing the dependency when he's away reminds me to show more love when he's here. It also remind me that while there is nothing wrong with this dependency, I should probably make more of an effort to cultivate myself as a full and thriving individual self.